When All is Lost
by sandyoceanbreeze
Summary: What will happen to Harry after he is removed from the Dursley's by Lupin and forced to learn what being a part of a family means?
1. Default Chapter

Harry Potter closed his eyes the whole way home from the train station wishing for it all to go away. The pain… the emptiness… the infinite pit that grew deeper in his stomach every time his thoughts trailed back to the day his world crumbled to pieces before his very eyes. 

 The last week had been perhaps the most disconnected Harry had ever felt from himself and his life. It was as if he were watching from above as his body move through the motions of every day life, the whole time never really knowing what to do. What are you supposed to do when some one you loved best dies? Continuing with your life the next day just doesn't seem right. How do you ignore the gapping whole in your heart?  

No…Harry had been off in a daydream. One where Sirius Black, his wide toothed grinning godfather still joked, still breathed, still smirked… but then somehow he always got sucked back into reality. The reality where there was no Sirius constantly worrying over him, fighting for him, loving him. There was no one left to make things right. No one left to remedy the overwhelming pain that had turned to a numb, surreal feeling in Harry's chest. 

" Potter- Boy, we're here, get out of the car!" a shrill, displeased voice shouted removing Harry from his thoughts. Harry looked out his window and found Uncle Vernon waiting impatiently outside of the car, it appeared that everyone had vacated the car except him. 

Very slowly, as if the yoke of his thoughts were slowing him down, Harry made his way out of the car. Somehow- not quite remembering the path he took to get there, Harrt found himself in his room where the serenity of his bed beckoned him. Harry trudged over to hard mattress surrendering himself to the little refuge it offered: he could fall into the nothingness that was his sleep. For a few hours, he wouldn't have to accept the loss, the hurt, and the sorrow. Closing his eyes blearily Harry lay on the stiff mattress staring into the night sky until blessed sleep washed over him, carrying him into his favorite place as of lately, unconsciousness. 

Meanwhile, the Dursley's were left standing in the kitchen pondering the possible reason behind the boy's distance. Not to mention that fact he seemed as though he hadn't heard one of the rood comments any of them had made toward him and his 'kind'. It had looked almost as if the boy couldn't hear them, let alone spit out a re-buddle to their harsh criticism. 

 Petunia Dursley looked to her husband anxiously.

" What if they come here Vernon… you heard what that god awful _thing_ said," Petunia whispered in reference to Moody, her nose wrinkling in an unpleasant fashion " 'if we don't hear from him at least once every three days we'll send someone to check on things,' Oh- what are we going to do if one of them shows up here? What will the neighbors think?" 

 " No," Vernon said, his hoarse voice contradicting his confidence, " we'll just have to make sure the boy writes them every other third day. Don't worry dear- the summer will be over before we know it and we can send that- that ungrateful, miscreant boy back to that school for weirdos." 

" Oh, I hope so." Petunia said shrewdly, trying to ignore the growing feeling of foreboding in her gut. " I hope so…" She repeated one more time so softly only she could hear it.

" Do you really think it was a good idea to send him back to the Dursleys?" A tired, yet concerned voice asked incredulously from the hearth of Dumbledore's fireplace." I mean… he hasn't even had the chance to…" Remus' throat went dry. He still hadn't been able to speak of Sirius' death.

" Grieve for Sirius?" said Dumbledore softly, piercing Remus with a knowing look. 

 _Poor Remus, _Dumbledore thought, _first he loses James and Lily fifteen years ago, and now Sirius. _

 " Yes- that," Remus said sitting heavily down in the chair opposite Dumbledore's desk rubbing the bridge of his nose, " and now he's off living with those Muggles who absolutely despise him and keep it no secret."  Dumbledore lowered his head into his hands, rubbing his constantly aching temples, churning the situation round in his head. No matter how hard he tried, no matter how badly he wanted another solution to this predicament, he knew without a doubt there wasn't. 

" Remus," Dumbledore began choosing his words carefully, " None of us want to see Harry suffer anymore than he has- believe me, if there was another way, _any _other way… I would see to it that Harry would be removed immediately, but there isn't. You must trust me blindly on this one- he _must_ go to the Dursley's, he's there and only there, truly safe." 

Knowing better than to question Dumbledore, Remus hung his head in defeat and slowly made his way out of the chair and to the door, stopping only before he was standing half way in Dumbledore's office and the staircase that led to the corridors. " I hope you know what you're doing Albus." Said Remus sadly. 

Without so much as a goodbye, Remus exited the office leaving Dumbledore alone with a heavy conscious and an even heavier chest. He was scared for the child, no, young man. He didn't know how much more Harry could take. He had already lost so much to Voldemort and his followers, and his words the day of Sirius' death still ring sharp in his ears.

 " I WANT OUT! I'VE HAD ENOUGH!"

Praying to every god he remembered the name of, Dumbledore begged that Harry would be okay. 

 Okay seemed all Dumbledore could ask for these days in reference to Harry. Happy was an emotion he knew someone so young, who had lost and seen so much couldn't experience at the time, so for the first time since Dumbledore had known Harry in the last five years, okay would have to do it. 


	2. Sorry, forgot the Disclaimer!

Oh- I almost forgot in my haste to study for finals- I own nothing except plot ideas. The Harry Potter and upcoming Outsiders characters are not mine, but J.K. Rowling and S.E. Hinton. Thanks a bunch! 


	3. Confrontations and Fireplaces

" Severus, would you please give us a briefing on what has been happening on the other side…" Dumbledore's voice rang through the smoke filled room he and twenty others were cramped into.

Sitting in the dimly lit kitchen of the Black Manor, Remus Lupin tried to focus on what Snape was saying, but found it nearly impossible to do so. Looking around the kitchen table and to the few others that had the privilege of sitting instead of standing for an hour due their punctuality, he saw he wasn't the only one. Molly Weasley sat ringing her hands in her apron, both she and Remus down right distracted with worry.

 No one had heard from Harry in the last week, and although this normally wouldn't result in this much concern, both knew Harry personally and knew that when left alone with his thoughts, Harry could get pretty badly mixed up. 

By the end of the two-hour meeting, both adults hastily left the crowded room meeting in Sirius' old bedroom for some privacy.

" Remus," Molly said frantically looking around for any eavesdroppers, " I am going to go check on him. I can't take it any longer. I _need_ to see for myself that he's okay." 

Remus had to smile despite the seriousness of the matter at hand. Even if Harry had lost his parents and godfather, Molly Weasley would always be an absolutely wonderful stand in mother.

Remus looked Molly over. She was completely exhausted and trying to take care of her kids and household while Mr. Weasley was away.

" No Molly, let me go check on him. I think I could do myself and him some good by talking with him…" said Remus. 

Beside the point, he already knew that Harry wouldn't be okay and Molly already had enough on her plate as it is without worrying too much over Harry's well being. 

Remus on the other hand had decided that he would be the one to look after Harry from now on. James and Lily would have wanted him to anyways.

 Molly studied Remus for one moment as if to consider what he was said and then nodded, albeit reluctantly. 

" Alright, but you let him know that I love him, okay?" She asked desperately, her eyes wide with earnestness. 

" Of course Molly." Remus said grabbing her shoulder for extra emphasis because she looked on the verge of tears. " Why don't you go back home? I'm sure your children miss you, I'll owl or floo once I have returned." 

Molly shook her head once again and looked as though she was about to leave when she turned back to Remus.

" That boy means the world to the lot of us," said Molly motioning toward the Order just a few rooms down, " you look him over _real_ carefully. Don't let him pull that, 'I'm fine although you'll never know I'm really dying on the inside,' on you." 

With that final note, she turned abruptly and made her way to the fireplace where she immediately flooed home, the words " the Burrow" still ringing through the air as Remus made his way to the fireplace. 

Remus didn't know what to expect when he landed in the Dursley's living room, but complete silence with an eerie cleanliness about the house wasn't it. 

" Hello…?" Remus asked walking around the first floor of the house. He walked all the way through the kitchen before spotting even a sign of life. He didn't know how Harry could stand to live in such a neat and proper house.

He caught sight of the three Dursley's outside at their picnic table eating their fancy dinner of steak and potatoes, Harry nowhere in sight. Part of Remus told him to immediately go find the boy, but then he knew the Dursley's, and they would be quiet upset to have one of 'his kind' in the house with out their knowledge.

Walking through the back door, Petunia jumped up, unnaturally silent for her character simply just staring at him with eyes that told him his visit was not unnecessary. 

" You- you," Vernon sputtered indignantly throwing his napkin down, "How did you get in my house?! Get out, you have no right!"

 Remus took odd pleasure in the fact he could make the man's face turn ten different shades of purple and red within seconds.

" Vernon- leave it be, I will show him to Harry." Petunia admonished. An uncomfortable tension filled the air around them. Remus was sure that was the first time Petunia had ever stood up to Vernon, telling him what to do. Completely speechless, Vernon watched as his wife and the 'freaky man' entered his house and vanished out of sight as they rounded the corner of the living room.

" He's been in a right state." Petunia said quietly. Remus thought he actually heard a tone of concern in her voice, but dismissed it. This was the lady that hated James and Lily with a passion. This was the lady that married that bastard that made sure Harry enjoyed himself as little as possible. 

" He hasn't come out of his bedroom since the night he got here. We told him to write you- we told him to get up and go outside." Her voice trailed off as they neared the staircase. " I have never seen the boy like this. He hasn't eaten for a week… just lies on that bed, staring at the wall or out the window…"

Remus was about to explain how Harry lost his godfather but decided that it was Harry's right to let them know and he obviously hadn't.

" It's the second door on the right." Petunia said turning and walking away leaving Remus standing in the hall of a strange house, with a strange feeling that his life was about to dramatically change.

Taking a deep breath, Remus strode up the stairs and counted the doors on his right. The second one came before he would have liked, he wasn't sure how Harry would respond to him. 

_See- this is why he needs Sirius! _Remus thought frantically, _Sirius would have busted this door down and forced Harry to talk to him. He would have known what to do and done it perfectly. He was amazing with Harry… he was all Harry really needed._

Shaking the thought when he heard the door he was standing in front of creek open, he took one last deep breathe before coming face to face with emerald eyes.

Desolate. Un kept. Stoic.

The look on Harry's face when he saw Remus was blank. He said nothing, did nothing, only opened the door so Remus could enter and then proceeded to walk right back to his bed where he flopped down on his stomach facing the wall.

 Remus closed his eyes and questioned for a fleeting second whether it had been a good idea for him to come in the first place. Molly could have mothered the boy. A tiny voice in the back of Remus' head told him that Harry didn't need mothering, he needed someone he could talk to about Sirius, someone who knew him well, someone who also loved him so much it hurt, and Remus knew that he was exactly that person.

" I heard you standing outside." Harry said simply, his voice monotone and wielding no emotion whatsoever as he offered his curt explanation. 

Taking that as his invitation in, Remus maneuvered over the mess of things on Harry's floor- mainly photo albums, books, and clothes- and from their scattered position on the floor and the numerous broken things lying here and there, Remus assumed Harry had in a fit of anger thrown his possessions across the room- like he had done with Albus' office, which Remus helped to clean up. 

For a minute a heavy silence lingered in the room. No one spoke, no one moved, and to Remus' great surprise, it was Harry who began the round of questions.

" What're you doing here?" he asked with no attempt to hide the miserable tone in his voice. Part of Remus wished Harry's voice betrayed annoyance or coldness because he could have dealt with that- but plain, brutal anguish was a whole new story.

" You haven't written for the last week, so I thought I'd come and check on you- you know, see how the Dursley's are treating you."  Remus said clearing his suddenly dry throat and using his most non-accusing voice he could muster up. 

Harry was silent. 

" How _are_ they treating you?" Remus asked, changing his tactics to be the one asking the questions.

" Just dandy." Harry said, his voice dripping with sarcasm and a wide smile plastered on his pale face,  "they're my new best friends."

Remus sighed heavily. He wished with his whole heart that Sirius were here to help mend Harry's pain, but however ironic and unfortunate it was, Sirius _was_ Harry's pain. 

Stumped as to how to talk to Harry in a way to get a sincere reaction, Remus walked over to the boy and gently but forcefully turned Harry over so he was facing him and pulled the boy to his feet.

" Come on- we're going." Remus said softly but sternly and resolutely clearly allowing no room for objections.

" Going where?" Harry shouted defiantly, the calm act he had been going for completely slipping through the cracks at the prospect of having to go somewhere.

_Blast! This boy go through mood changes faster than his mother, R_emus thought, _First he's stoic, then sarcastic, now angry as hell._

Remus shook his head, for heard not so much of anger but a plead. Harry didn't want to go somewhere he was forced to deal with what happened. He was waiting to wake up and find it was all a bad dream. 

Remus knew the signs of denial all too well, for he had been there fifteen years ago and knew better than to allow it to happen again.

" To the Burrow." Remus said. Harry needed love… he needed his friends. He needed someone to make sure he was being taken care of. Obviously the Dursley's weren't doing that, letting Harry skip meals and stay locked up in the house for a week. 

" I don't want to go to the Weasley's!" Shouted Harry, his voice laced with desperation.

" To bad Harry." Remus said curtly, guiding Harry out of the room by the cuff of his neck. " You're not going to stay here and mope all day, waiting for something that will never come." 

The look in Harry's eyes told Remus Harry knew of what he spoke- told Remus that Harry understood what he himself was going through, but that didn't mean Harry was ready to talk.

But Before Harry could voice his opinion on the matter they were in the fireplace, Remus saying very clearly, " The Burrow." 


	4. A Friend and Discussions

Harry closed his eyes and clung to Remus' robes as they spun in front of hundreds of fireplaces before the Weasley's house came into view. 

Harry landed face first in The Weasley's living room, before even getting up hearing a small shriek that sounded too much like Hermione.

 Looking up, none other than Hermione was sitting on the couch before him, rushing forward to his aid. 

 _What was she doing here already? _

Before Harry could even so much as greet his best friend, Remus had him by the back of the robes pulling him into the kitchen where Molly was hovering over the stove.

" Hermione- what's… oh my! Harry! What's going on? Is everything okay?" Molly asked anxiously, abandoning whatever she was stirring over the stove and running over to where Remus had pushed Harry into a chair by the table.

Harry saw Hermione standing behind the wall separating the kitchen and living room. He wished she would go away… he didn't want her to hear what was going to be said. It would just make her sad, and frankly he couldn't stand that. He needed his best friends to be happy, he wanted them to be happy… something he couldn't be. 

" Molly," Remus said before she had the chance to pull one hundred questions on Harry, " We need to talk in a separate room, but you," Remus ordered sternly pointing to Harry, " stay here." 

Molly gave a worried glance back to Harry over her shoulder as she followed Remus outside- the wooden stirring spoon still grasped in her hand.

Harry sat back in the chair with a frustrated sigh, forgetting Hermione was still hiding behind the wall. 

Antsy and desperate to be anywhere but where he was, Harry got up and kicked whatever it was he could which happened to be the island in the middle of the kitchen.

How could this be happening to him? What did he do to deserve to have the pressure of good and evil pressed upon him? He was either going to become a murderer- or be murdered. He had lost three people he loved dearly and needed, and he was only fifteen, what more could happen? 

With a particularly vehement sigh and punch to the wall, he turned back frustrated to return to his seat, but instead of turning to an empty room, Harry turned to see a white faced and shocked Hermione, her breathing shallow and uneven as if she were about to burst into tears at any second. 

" Hermione- I am _so_ sorry, please don't cry…" Harry said immediately taking a few steps toward her when he saw the damn of tears welling up in her eyes.

Harry was shocked with himself. He hadn't felt anything but anger and emptiness from the moment he saw Sirius' go down, but right now- right then, Harry's heart filled with love for his best friend. 

_Maybe I am going to be okay after all, I mean, I still love my friends._

Stamping her foot and trying to regain her composure, Hermione bee lined it straight for Harry and hugged him tight around the waist. For a few seconds Harry's heart felt lighter, hope welling up in his chest that everything would be okay.

" I'm so sorry that you have to go through all this."  Hermione whispered softly into Harry's ear. " I wish I could make everything okay again."

Harry's heart broke at the defeated tone in her voice. It wasn't the Hermione he knew- it was someone else. Sudden understanding dawned on him… how selfish had he been? Hadn't he realized that he wasn't the only that had lost someone in the last few weeks? Hadn't he realized that Hermione, Ron, the Weasleys, and Lupin did too… that they knew and liked Sirius too? 

" I know you would Hermione." Harry said rubbing her back protectively, for the first time since they had become friends actually holding each other for support. 

This was the most Harry had said to someone in the last week and there was no one he would rather be talking to than his best friend- except Ron maybe. 

They pulled a part and Hermione and Harry brushed their clothes off, not looking each other in the eye mumbling about finding Ron. After all, it wasn't every day they hugged each other…

" Where's Ron?" Harry asked curiously as a diversion tactic, noting the absence of his other best friend and the rest of the family of red heads he was now not so opposed to see.

A slight smile played across Hermione's lips at Ron's name and Harry made a mental note to ask her about it later. Could it be true that both of his best friends finally realized they both had a crush on each other and were on their way to actually admitting it? 

_It's about time anyways._

" He's outside playing Quidditch with Ginny and the twins." Hermione said looking out the kitchen window. It had been a beautiful day, and the sun had just begun to go down, the sky turning the most magnificent shades of purple and light blue.  

Harry smiled. He and Ron still hadn't been able to find a way to get Hermione on a broom. It wasn't fear that kept her grounded… just the fact she would rather be doing something else- hanging out with Lavender or Parvati, reading or writing as she's been doing an awful lot of lately…but Harry and Ron was determined to get her in the air. 

With a small smile, Harry realized that for the first time in weeks, he was happy. A chance of having fun was finally presented to him, and he finally got to indulge in it.

Remus and Molly sat outside on the swings, a beer in their hands watching Molly's children zoom carefree around in the warm summer evening. 

" She told me he hadn't eaten anything in a week, he hadn't even left his bedroom. She said he just sits in there all day, starring off into nothing." Remus said quietly, watching the sun reside and day turn to night, sadness apparent in his voice. 

" They let him go a week without food?" Molly said tranquilly, although from years of friendship Remus could hear the fury coating her tone. " Those no good- damned Muggles!"

Remus would have been taken back hearing those words from such a sweet lady, but then again, Harry was like a son to her. 

Both adults remained quiet for a moment, longing for the day Harry could be carefree again, and then having to silently wonder if that day would ever come. 

" Well," said Remus standing up, " I trust that you will have Harry for the night and see to it that he eats a proper meal while I go talk to Dumbeldore about this."

" Of course." Molly said taking Remus' outstretched hand to help her up.

" Make sure to tell Dumbledore I will have Harry for as long as he will allow it." Molly said as an after note. " The kids and I love having him around." 

Mr. Weasley had been off on another mission for Dumbledore for the last three weeks and Remus could see the longing in Molly's eyes as she thought about him. 

" I will." Remus assured her as he entered the kitchen, thoroughly surprised to see Harry and Hermione in a carefree discussion, the outlines of a smile etched Harry's face which soon faded as soon as Remus and Mrs. Weasley entered the room.

" Well, Harry, I'm off to see Dumbledore about something, you will be staying here for a while." Remus said in a mater of fact way, but was relieved when he got no backtalk from the boy- honestly he didn't know what to do with the boy when he put up a fight. 

Harry's face had mixed emotions playing on it, happiness the most notable, once again surprising Lupin.

" Really? I can stay here for a while?" Harry asked so softly his voice was almost inaudible.

" For now- yes." Remus said, not wanting to break the boys spirits but not wanting to get his hopes up, he added, " I'm going to see about how long exactly, though."

As Remus feared, Harry's solemn looked returned to his face. The boy was quicker than a bird sometimes, catching onto the downside of things before others.

" I'll be back later." Said Remus, seizing Harry in a tight embrace, to Harry's shock. Harry hadn't expected Remus to show such signs of affection, he never had before, but then again, Harry assumed he had needed some comfort of his own, and Harry was it.

 I'm all he has left of his three best friend of course he's going to like me.

What Harry didn't know was that like was a small word for what Lupin felt for Harry, ever since the day he was born.

What Harry didn't remember was all the times Lupin and Sirius would kidnap Harry from his parents and take him everywhere and anywhere.

What Harry didn't know was that Lupin would soon become the only real family he ever had. 


	5. Quidditch and Decisions

" I wondered when I was going to see you again Remus," Dumbledore said the second Remus opened his office door, the look on his face showing no sign of anger or curiosity, but Remus knew that Dumbledore was aware that Harry was taken from the Dursley's, and he was pretty sure Dumbledore knew who did it.

 The blasted man seemed to know everything. 

Before Remus had the chance to respond, Dumbedore took his glasses off and rubbed the bridge of his nose, his eyes shutting as he muttered his next words.

" It seems Mr. Potter has been removed from his relatives… you wouldn't happen to know why that is, do you?" His voice was resigned, not a bit challenging. 

Remus plopped down in the cushioned chair in front of Dumbledore's desk and sighed heavily. He knew what was to come, a long debate that he knew he had to win.

Clearing his voice and sitting up straight, Remus took one last look around the office before answering.

"Yes, I am aware Harry has been taken as I was the one who took him." Remus said, waiting for Dumbledore to open his eyes and say something.

" And could you tell me why you did such a foolish thing Remus?" Dumbledore sighed, opening his eyes and gazing intently at the younger man before him. 

Remus matched Dumbledore's gaze, his confidence not wavering. 

" I thought it was in his best interest." Remus said simply, as if that should seal the matter.

" Yes, but you see, I thought it was in his best interest to keep him there- to protect him from Voldemort and the clan of Death Eaters waiting to kill him and bring him to the Dark Lord." 

Temper getting the best of him, Remus sat up sharply, all niceties forgotten. 

"Dumbledore! You go see what Harry's like when he's living with the Dursley's and see what it is you want to protect him from…"

" Are you saying there's a greater threat to Harry than Voldemort?" Dumbledore challenged, his voice tinted with disbelief.

Remebering that it was his mentor sitting across the table, Remus sunk into the comfort of the red arm chair and let his sore muscles relax for the first time in a long while.

" Yes Albus…" Remus said solemnly, his mind wandering to a time when Harry's situation reflected one of his own. A time when Remus was his own worst enemy. Something more dangerous than the most evil, senile wizard alive, an innocent but guilty sole, a lonely, depressed teenager whose world is out to get him, a kid with nothing to live for and everything to die for. " I think there's a new threat facing Harry these days, such a trivial one, so easy to look over…"

When Remus offered no further explanation, Dumbledore leaned over in his desk, " And may I ask you what it is?" 

" Himself."

The words hung heavy in the air. 

Had Dumbledore really missed such a threat? Had he over looked this potential problem so easily because Harry had taken everything else that had ever happened to him in stride, but then again, Harry had never watched one he loved, especially Sirius of all people, be murdered.

Perhaps he had expected too much of the boys tolerance. Yes, Harry had destroyed his office the night of his godfather's death, but despite that, Dumbledore assumed Harry would get over it, just like he had everything else. 

" So- Harry, why don't you go outside for a while until supper is ready? Ron and the twins will be delighted you're here." Said Mrs. Weasley, looking Harry over affectionately and trying to hide her concern. 

" What would you like for dinner?" She asked as an after note, wisely thinking he hadn't been able to eat his favorite dish for quite some time.

" Uh, well…" Harry stammered, " I'm not actually that hungry."

 Mrs. Weasley's face immediately fell, loss of appetite, one of the first signs of depression.

" Okay Harry, go outside and play with the kids, and then we'll see about super." Mrs. Weasley said kindly pushing Harry out the door, who was soon accompanied by Hermione who looked very uncomfortable.

" Actually Harry, I think I'm going to go back inside." Hermione said trying to free her wrist from Harry's strong grasp while trying to ignore the smirk growing on Harry's face as he shook his head and kept walking.

" Harry- come on, what's the meaning of this?" Hermione pleaded after another unsuccessful attempt to free herself from Harry's hold, " I have books I have to read…"

" Hermione- come on, you've been inside all day, haven't you? Reading I bet. You need to take a break from all that studying, it wont do you any good… it's summer."

" No Harry, I have to…" Hermione began only to be interrupted when Harry stopped abruptly, her body running into his.

" Listen, I know you think there's a thousand other things you'd rather be doing than going down to the Quidditch post," Harry began, looking into Hermione's honey eyes wondering when his best friend had become so beautiful, and then again wondering when his other best friend Ron would actually admit it, " and all I'm asking is for thirty minutes max, if you don't like it then go ahead and go inside. But at least come out and play for a little bit- the last time I saw you on a broom was first year... and we had fun, so come on… I don't know if I'm going to be allowed to leave the Dursley's again this summer and I want both of my best friends with me, okay?" Harry asked sincerely.

Harry knew from the moment he asked her to do it for him, she would, and smiling in the known victory, he slung an arm over her shoulder and began the way to the post, " And besides, even if you suck, mo one will care… laugh maybe, but not care." 

" I'm so glad you believe in me that much…" Hermione smirked, her head high in the air as she wriggled out from Harry's arm and passed him heading toward the Quidditch post, " And you can wipe that smirk off your face Potter, or I may have to send a Bludger your way to do it for me."

Still laughing, the two friends made their way down to where the rest of the Weasley kids were playing a hot game of Quidditch.

Harry didn't think it was possible for four people to play, but as clever as the twins were, they found a way. They enchanted the clubs to fly and hit the Bludgers (which seemed to be following Ginny as if on command to her great unhappiness) while Ginny and Fred were on opposite teams stealing the Quaffle from each other racing it down the length of the field as Ron and George guarded the hoops. 

" Room for two more?" Harry shouted, causing Ron to almost fall off his broom in surprise.

" 'Arry!" Ron shouted incredulously. " What're you doin' 'ere mate?" 

" Remus brought me." Harry said simply shrugging it off as if it were normal for their old Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher to swing by Privet and the Burrow, " So, is there room for a seeker anywhere?" 

" Well, if 'Ermione will play, yeah." Ron said looking pointedly to Hermione who gave him an, 'I'm not impressed' smile under his gaze.

" Okay Hermione, all you have to do is catch the Snitch." Ron said slowly as if he were discussing Arithmacy instead of a sport after he landed to get her a broom from their shed. 

" I know _that_ Ron!" Hermione said shrilly, rolling her eyes in irritation, " I'm not as thick as you seem to think I am when it comes to Quidditch, I have after all been to every single on of Harry's games…"

Harry and Ron were sure she was going to begin to spout out some odd facts about this and that concerning Quidditch, so they just patted her on her back and walked toward the middle of the field hoping she would get the idea to just shut up and play. 

Thirty minutes into the game, Harry came to the conclusion that Hermione wasn't actually that bad. But, of course, Harry was also pretending not to see the Snitch, but after five minutes of agonizing stalling waiting for Hermione to even catch a glance of it, she finally spotted it and they both took off for it, Harry of course reaching it first.

" Good game mate." Ron said patting Harry on the back as a annoyed Ginny walked by- it seemed that the Bludgers were very intent on following her through the game, almost knocking her off her broom more than several times.

" Kids! Supper time!" Mrs. Weasley's voice yelled, echoing through the English countryside.

" Perfect time…" Ron muttered under his breath as Harry, Hermione and he made their way back to the house, thinking how right it felt to have them all together again.

" Fred, George, set the table, and do _not_ use magic." Mrs. Weasley said hastily, giving Harry the impression there had been many mishaps in the kitchen due to the twins. "You have your own two hands that are perfectly capable of taking the plate from the cupboard to the table." 

Ron and Harry made their way to the down stairs bathroom piling into the small space to have a go at washing their hands.

" So Harry," Ron asked, looking at his friend who was sitting on the counter opposite him through the mirror as he scrubbed the suds off his hands, " _why _did Remus bring you here? I mean- don't get me wrong, I'm glad he did, but it's just sort of unexpected after everything that happened last year. I'd think Dumbledore would've you locked in your room to keep you safe…"

" Believe me Ron, it was a bit of a shock for me to find Professor Lupin standing outside my bedroom door…" Harry said with a fake laugh to deter from any further questions about Dumbledore. 

Right now all Harry wanted to do was relax and have a good time with his friends because he honestly hadn't felt this good for weeks, which was saying something because he still felt a well of anger and despair in him, just not so strong with the company of the people he had considered his family, well next to Sirius...

Shaking his head, Harry tried desperately to think of something else, anything else when Ron finally spoke up returning Harry to the bathroom from his thoughts.

"Hmp…" Ron said as he dried his hands looking perplexed, " Well, I wont complain if it means we get to hang out for an extra day…"

Ron walked out of the bathroom, leaving Harry alone to his thoughts. __

_Maybe it wouldn't be so bad staying here- I mean, the Weasley's are like family. _

Walking out of the bathroom, any hopes of a peaceful evening at the Burrow were dashed when a loud wail of pain sounded from the living room, followed by a quick apology.

Making his way into the living room to see what all the commotion was about, Harry came face to face with a sooty Lupin and a startled and a red faced Ginny.

" I'm so sorry Ms. Weasley, I didn't expect anyone to be sitting near the fireplace…" Remus said as he helped Ginny up from her awkward position on the floor.

" That's alright Professor…" Ginny said clutching her chest as if she were about to have a heart attack, " You just gave me a quick fright when you toppled out of the fireplace right above me." 

Remus was about to say something to Ginny when a voice sounded from behind him, " Your back early…" Harry said, his voice quite and his face inscrutable.

" Well, there wasn't much to discuss Harry, now if you don't mind, could you show me to Molly?" Remus asked, his tone closing the discussion until he had time to discuss the situation with Molly.

" Wait," Harry said laughing bitterly, " You can't do that. You drag me here against my will, leave me and then say you need to speak to Dumbledore… come back thirty minutes later and tell me nothing. That's _bullshit_! I'm not a little kid… I know something up and I want to know now." 

Remus pulled his body up to its full height and made his way over to Harry, his eyes blazing with an emotion Harry had never seen in them before. Wisely, Ginny and Ron made their way out of the living room and outside where the rest of the family was already sitting around the picnic table.

" Harry James Potter, you may not speak to me like that. Whether you're happy with me or not right now, I am still your elder and I hope your friend. I have done nothing to deserve your foul words… and you better watch your language." 

Harry laughed in disbelief, " I'm sorry, but you're right." Harry said shaking his head looking Remus square in the eyes, "I'm not happy with you, I'm not happy with Dumbledore, actually I'm furious with the both of you! And why shouldn't I be? You don't leave me alone… you plan my fucking life for me." Harry was now red in the face screaming at Remus, feeling an odd release as he did so, " God, I'm not some incapable little kid. I know the score. I understand they're people who would do anything to kill me- even target the people I love, so what're you protecting me for? They always get to me one way or another and I've protected myself more than any of you have… I've always ended up on my own…" 

" Harry, you and I are going to have a long talk about this attitude of yours when we get back to my place…" Remus said, his voice silky and unnervingly sounding like Snape. 

" What do you mean your place?" Harry challenged, " I don't want to go to your place, I want to stay here!" 

" Too bad Harry, there's been a change in plans…" 

Before Harry can sit down for supper Remus pops out of the fireplace startling Ginny into shrieking as if her life depends on it because he fell on her… Professor, what're you doing here? Remus gets Harry from the Weasley;s 

I can't stay here?

No, by all means you can if you wish

There's been a change in plans…


	6. Two Dogs and the Ocean

" What do you mean a change in plans? What plans?" Harry asked, his lack of knowledge about the situation angering him.

" Harry," Remus said tentatively, so as not to upset an already easily agitated Harry, at the same time knowing that he couldn't leave room for and objection, "Dumbledore and I have decided that it would be best if you spent the remainder of your holiday at my cottage." 

" With you?" Harry blanched incredulously, " Dumbledore- tall guy, white beard? Are we going on about the same person, because the Dumbledore I'm thinking of would never decided it best if I stayed anywhere but with my relatives, if I stayed anywhere that _didn't_ make me miserable." 

Harry knew what he was saying wasn't true, and that Dumbledore didn't really stick him with the Dursley's to suck all the fun out of the summer holidays, but at times that's what it felt like.

Molly, who was standing a few feet behind Harry made a snort of disapproval, but Harry didn't care, instead he bore his emerald eyes into Remus' waiting for an explanation.

" Harry, _he_ didn't make this decision alone, _we _both decided."

" No, You're lying," Harry said shaking his head, his voice raising as he pointed an accusing finger at Remus, " Dumbledore has made me go back to the Dursley's every year, no matter how many times I begged him to stay anywhere else, no matter how many times the Weasley's offered to have me… he never- he wouldn't allow it …" Harry jaw was clenching, his whole body shaking, " The hell with Dumbledore, I DON'T CARE WHAT HE SAYS!" Harry finally screamed, shaking with rage, " I'm sick of him deciding for me… I'm sixteen, I can take care of myself." 

Remus took an abrupt step toward Harry so they were nose to nose, grabbing Harry's upper arm tightly.

" You think you're an adult? Sixteen years old and ready to take on the world." Remus ran his fingers through his tangled hair chuckling, "Fine, but I'm leaving now. You can either come with me or leave by yourself because you're on explicit orders not to stay here at the moment for everybody's safety." 

Remus said, sinking his fingers into the flesh of Harry's arm just hard enough so it wouldn't be painful but an extra emphasis. Too much could happen if Harry stayed with the Weasley's, there was simply too much that could happen.

" And because your so 'capable' of handling yourself, you can find a way to get where you'll stay, pay for that and buy food for yourself all until school starts… oh, and keep in mind the whole time that there's numerous, an uncountable number actually of Death Eaters looking for you and I can guarantee you that if your not vigilant, they _will_ find you. Oh- and then because you're such a hot shot, you can find your way out of that mess on your own too!" Remus said sternly, never blinking and holding Harry's chin in place with his free hand so Harry couldn't look away.  

There was a moment where both man and teenager said nothing, both glaring at one another, the elder trying to force an understanding on the younger, and the youth wanting nothing more than to run in the opposite direction, away from everything familiar to him, away from everyone that he was familiar to and just be, not as the Boy Who Lived, not as Harry, not as anyone, just a passerby in the crowd of the world… just a nameless face. 

" So, what is it? Leave with me where you'll have a roof over your head and food to eat, or struggle out there on your own…" Remus asked, his voice softening. He didn't feel right threatening Harry, but it just seemed there was no other way to communicate with the boy at the moment. 

" I'll go to Privet…" Harry said, his voice low staring at the floor.

" I don't recall that being an option." Remus threatened, as he slowly began to lose his patience.

" You know," Harry said, his green eyes once again boring into Remus' worn and old brown ones, " there were just too many years in there where there was no other option than the Dursley's…"

"Harry, and as I said before, you can come with me or figure something out on your own." 

" What do you think I've been doing my whole life _Professor_?" Harry shouted, addressing his old friend and mentor with formality for an extra sting. He wanted Remus to understand how he felt, he _needed_ him to understand, " The Dursley's never did anything for me… I've been on my own since the day my mum and dad died… it's too late to start caring… it's too late to change things." 

For a moment, Harry thought he saw a flash of an unreadable but potent emotion flicker in Remus' eyes, but then dismissed it as Remus walked closer to him, about to put a hand on his shoulder but thought better of it, stepping away a few feet.

" I'm sorry you feel that way Harry…" Remus said softly, " but as I said before, your list of options is small, you either spend the holiday alone and in some strange place, you with me." 

Harry turned desperately around to Mrs. Weasley. She could make things better. She was a mom. That was her job.

Everything was so confusing at the moment. The one thing Harry had counted on: a crappy summer had now been taken from him too. There seemed to be no constant he could rely on these days.

" Harry dear," Mrs. Weasley said softly, all of the sudden standing beside him and leading him to the couch. " You know I would absolutely love to have you…" She began, her voice filled with defeat and her eyes misting with unshed tears, " but we can't. Not now at least…"

Harry felt tears well up in his eyes and immediately turned his head downward. The last thing he wanted was to breakdown in front of the woman he had always considered a mother and Remus- even the thought was mortifying. 

" Harry," Remus said, finally taking a great step toward him and lifting Harry's chin so he couldn't avoid his eyes, " We're not trying to make you miserable… your situation is just so _fragile _at the moment that we have to be careful. Do you understand?" 

Harry tried to turn his head away from Remus' touch… he knew his eyes were filled with unshed tears, but Remus held his head in place gently.

" Yes." 

The whispered word was inaudible to every ear except Remus,' and with it brought a sigh of relief that Harry would come willingly and a new fear of how things would turn out…

Exhausted and in want of nothing more than a soft bed, Harry made his way off the Knight Bus and up Remus' cobblestone path. 

Without a word, Harry waited until Remus opened the door and walked in, squinting his eyes when Remus turned the lights on. 

Harry was shocked at what he saw. He had always pegged Remus as not financially well off, but what surrounded him proved him wrong. He was in a log cottage, not huge and not small, but just the perfect size.

Upon walking in, to the right there was a small size kitchen with stone floors and mahogany wood counter and a table with a bay window overlooking the ocean. Harry had no idea where he was as he had fallen asleep on the bus, but from what it looked like they were on the Southern tip of England. 

To Harry's left was a huge living room with cream colored carpets and a large squishy couch that Harry wanted nothing more than to sink into, next to it was the an arm chair with fluffy, wool blankets. They were located right in front of a large fireplace that was at least five feet tall, surrounded by bookshelves, all stocked to the brim with history, medical, and magical books. 

Two large dogs were sleeping on mats right next to the fire, completely ignorant to Harry's presence. _Vicious guard dogs_

From where he was standing he could see a long hallway, doors scattered along it every few feet, the end of the hallway looking as if it opened into another big room. Looking up, there was a loft, but Harry couldn't see what was in it.

" Not so bad, is it Harry?" Remus asked with a tired grin as Harry looked around speechlessly.

Harry tried to scowl, but found he was too tired to.

" You look dead on your feet… come on, I'll show you to your room." 

Harry seemed to unglue his feet from the spot he was standing and followed Remus. He stopped at the door right before the hall ended and broke off into a room with a billiard ball table, foosball table, TV, an old classical guitar, a comfy circular chair, blankets, movies, a writing desk all opening up to the balcony overlooking the ocean by twin mahogany French glass doors. 

" I like your place…" Harry said quietly, as he entered the room, suddenly embarrassed by how he had been treating Remus ever since he had collected him from the Dursley's earlier.

" Thank you Harry." Remus said sincerely. " I'll show you around tomorrow, but right now I think we're both in dire need of a good night sleep, a lot has happened in the last few days…" 

" You're telling me…" Harry said under his breathe as he turned on the light to the guest- no _his_ bedroom again astonished by what he saw before him. 

The room was bigger than his old bedroom, the walls painted a mocha color, complementing the queen size maroon down comforter laid on top of white linen sheets. 

Two sliding glass doors opened onto the balcony that seemed to wrap around a third of the house, and his breathe caught in his chest when he realized his room was pointing directly toward the ocean, his view not obstructed. 

On the walls hung pictures of Ron, Hermione and Harry that he didn't even know existed. James, Lily, and Sirius faces all occupied their own room on his wall, pictures from as far back as their first year at Hogwarts to when Harry was a baby as they all sat around watching him unwrap his mum's birthday gifts, constantly throwing the paper up in the air disappearing behind a wall of red and green, only to have Sirius, obviously his favorite babysitter pull it off and throw him in the air causing him to squeal in delight. 

With a sigh Harry flopped down on his bed, jumping when he saw the contents of his room in Privet stacked in a neat pile in the corner of his room. Someone must have brought them here or magically moved them there while he had been at the Weasley's.

Harry's muscles gave a scream of protest as he got up from the bed and to his trunk. Changing as quickly as possible, Harry slid into the warmth of the bed thinking he should probably at least say goodnight to Remus before he went to bed, but his last thoughts before sleep were about exploring the house and finding out where exactly they were tomorrow, but even that thought left his head as his heavy eye lids fell…

Harry awoke suddenly, although he wasn't sure why. So comfortable in his bed, Harry rolled over, ready to go back to sleep when two things hit him. First, this wasn't his bed, second, there was a snoring sound coming from his left side and a dead weight on legs… opening his eyes slowly, not quite sure what to expect, Harry couldn't help the laugh that escaped his lips.

A large Chocoalte Lab was dead to the world, his head and two front legs resting on Harry's legs, snoring consistently every thirty seconds… Harry flopped back down on the linen sheets and rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. 

As Harry sat up the dogs head shot up, staring at him curiously. Harry leaned forward to try and get the dog to move, but his efforts were met with the dog also leaning forward to meet Harry's face with its tongue, licking every possible place it could, crawling all the more onto Harry. 

Finally scrambling out from under the dog that grunted as Harry stood up, he grabbed one of the sweaters Mrs. Weasley had made him with small Snitiches embroidered on it and poked his head out the door. 

Complete silence. 

In the light Remus' house looked even cooler. Harry tiptoed to the room at the end of the hall, the one with all the cool stuff and looked around in awe. Right outside the house was the ocean. Harry could tell they were on water, but had no idea how beautiful it was. The ocean seemed to go on forever, and to the left a little Harry would see white hills… his breath caught in his chest, it was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.

Too curious to stay in that one room, Harry crept the other way back down the hall, stopping to look at some painting along the way. There was a bathroom right next to Harry's room and as he walked in he almost wet himself with surprise. Not but three feet away from leaned the canvas portrait of Mrs. Black.

Harry had the urge to shred the picture piece by piece, but knew that the only reason it would still be around was because the Order got it off the wall but hadn't quite figured out how to destroy it for good. Harry had to give it to her- the Old Bat was good…

Closing the door quietly so Harry wouldn't accidently burn the house down in an attempt to rid the world of Mrs. Black, Harry left the room vowing not to go back in until the picture had been moved. Harry took one last look at the bathroom perplexed, shaking his head.

Why on earth would Remus keep Mrs. Black in there out of all the place he could store her?

Any attempt to contemplate why Remus had the painting in the first place was ended when Harry heard a nose coming from upstairs in the loft. Harry jetted it back to the kitchen trying to make it look as though he hadn't just been walking around and exploring Remus' house. After all, some people were weird about having guests wandering their house with out their knowledge. 

Grabbing a few eggs Harry searched the house for a frying pan when a hand on his shoulder made him jump two feet in the air and his heart stop.

" Whoa Harry, be careful, that thing could be considered a weapon if you did that again." 

" Sorry- you just gave me a start…" Harry said as his cheeks flushed with embarrassment, his heart still pounding unnaturally fast. 

There was an awkward silence as Remus looked out the window, noting the dull gray color of the sky as an indicator that the sun hadn't yet peeked above the horizon.

" Harry, what're you doing up at this hour? I was always under the impression that boys your age slept until noon at least." Remus said, and as he spoke he looked more exhausted than ever. The bags under his tired eyes were dark and heavy.

" Er… well… you see," Harry sputtered, unable to answer Remus' question. The bottom line was that he was embarrassed that he had always had to get up this early since he was eight to make the Dursley's breakfast and coffee before they went to work.

Remus looked Harry over carefully. He knew why Harry was up, but he wanted Harry to start confiding in him.

" What is it Harry?" Remus asked feigning curiously waiting for an answer.

Harry sighed turning his gaze to the wood floor. 

" It's just that I'm used to it." Came Harry's soft reply.

" Used to what? Waking at the crack of dawn? Wait, no, before the crack of dawn? Why on earth would you be used to that?" Remus asked, playing his card trying to get Harry to at least say something.

Harry looked up at Remus, his eyes in slits and his face contorted with sudden anger that Harry had yet to learn to control.

" Because I fancy waking up this early Remus…" He spat viscously, " Why do you think? It was the Dursley's. They had me cook them breakfast and make their coffee or iron their clothes or get the mail or something stupid like that since I was eight years old, alright?"

Remus inwardly congratulated himself on his victory, although Harry's attitude did need some fine adjustments.

" Harry." Remus said kindly " I assure you I am perfectly capable of making breakfast and coffee and fetching the mail myself, and because I don't iron, you're off the hook. So I'll tell you what, no more waking up at five in the morning unless you want to, okay? Why don't you go back to bed and work on a new habit of sleeping later, make your father proud?"

" What?" Harry asked surprised, the mention of his father throwing him a bit off guard.

" Your father Harry." Remus said smiling fondly, " James would sleep until noon at least if he could, so why don't you honor him and go back to sleep for heavens sake."

" Okay." Harry said with a small smile, but still looking at the floor embarrassed by his outburst.

" Harry, look at me," Remus ordered noticing the change in Harry's demeanor. 

Harry lifted his eyes so they met Remus, " I understand you're a bit confused right now, and I'm not upset at you. So just go back to bed and we'll talk about this later."

Remus didn't have to explain what _this_ meant. It was Harry's attitude, and Harry was not looking forward to that conversation. Sometimes he felt like he had no control over his emotions or how he dealt with them.

" Uh- Remus," Harry began his face flushed with embarrassment once again, "I'm not sure I can go to bed…" Harry trailed off, his eyes wandering toward the room he had slept in the night before.

"Believe me Harry, you're sixteen, you could sleep the day away if you set your mind to it." Remus said with a sarcastic but all the same reassuring tone.

"No, it's not that…it's just that, well- there's a huge dog lying on the bed. That's what woke me this morning. I was expecting to hear Aunt Petunia, but instead I felt something lying across me and snoring…"

Remus groaned in frustration, stalking off toward the room Harry had slept in.

"BOSCO!" Remus shouted once he had entered the room, Harry on his heels. The big lab nonchalantly picked its head off the pillow it had been resting on, eyes Remus and set it's head back down, ignoring the frustrated man.

" Just like his owner I swear," Harry heard Remus mutter as he stormed to the bed, shaking the dog and pointing to the ground.

" Off Bosco, this bed isn't yours. That one is." Remus said motioning toward the flannel dog bed next to Harry's. " Bosco's, Harry's, Bosco's, Harry's. Think you can handle that?" Remus asked as he pointed from one bed to the other, the aggravation in his voice a clue that this wasn't the first time the dog had switched which bed belonged to whom. 

Still the dog remained on the bed, and Harry was about to ask why he didn't just physically move him when Remus said something that caused the dog to move immediately.  

" Or perhaps you would like to spend the evening out on the porch? I'm sure that could be arranged." 

The dog's ears flopped down and he jumped off the bed, his tail wagging as he ran out of the room, the argument with Remus already forgotten in its head. 

" I swear that dog is worse than his master sometimes," Remus muttered under his breath as he turned to Harry, " Well, now that you have an empty bed to sleep in, I'll see you in a few hours." 

With that, Remus left Harry standing in the middle of a beautiful bedroom, in a beautiful cottage, on a beautiful coast, and for the first time in weeks, not feeling quite so alone.  

*** Author's Notes***

Sorry it took so long to update. I've had this chapter done for quite a while, but I just haven't had time to check over it and actually load it!

Amid the Double Moon: I know, I didn't like it when Sirius died either until I realized why JKR did it, but it still sucks. He was always my favorite character! Thanks for reviewing!

Moo & Grawp: Don't worry, Harry and Remus will have some talks about Harry's behavior, but with the way I see their relationship developing, both Harry and Remus need to be treated with respect, so I don't think there will be any spanking, but it was a good idea! Thanks for reviewing! 

Twigs: Thanks so much! I'm glad you like my story. I've read some of yours and really enjoyed them too!

Ckat44: No no no no, I repeat, there will be _no_ slash. I don't have anything against slash pairing, except teachers and students, but I don't think I could ever write one myself. Thanks for reviewing, I really appreciate your input! 

SP-in-Sirius-Denial: Yeah, I'm doing my best to try and express what I think Harry would be feeling, anger and depression the most obvious. No, Harry won't be staying with the Weasley's. Thank you for reviewing! I've read you story In Need of Sirius Help and it was always one of my favorites, so I was a little surprised when I saw _your_ name on _my_ reviews! Ha… 

Anyways, you guys can probably expect about a week in between my updates as school has just started again! Thanks for reading! 


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